I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
