I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
