i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
