haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
