The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
