I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
