scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
