there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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