Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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