i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
