I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
