Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
