I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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