Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
