He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
