Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
