i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
