You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
