I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
