my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
