Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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