OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wear drunk well.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
