When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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