remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
