Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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