what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
