dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
