capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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