and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
