You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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