Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
