I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
