there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
