Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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