and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
