I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
