Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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