I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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