I got chris browned last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
