I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
