I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
