He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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