thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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