I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
