Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
