You're a womanizer and a bitch.
look no pants
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
