I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
