I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
