I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
