i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
